There's something that keeps happening in every Discord channel that I need to say. Which is:

I can't help you with your depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, etc.

Unless someone in the chat room speaks up saying that they are trained professionally in mental health science. No one else really can either. They can offer temporary comfort. But the rain of emotion will continue. It's up to you to get motivated enough to find peace for yourself or drown. I know because in my teens I was there with stage 4 depression stage 2 ADD at least that’s what the medical record said.

The usual response from the mass majority is if things are coming down in your life that is happening in a bad way you need to seek professional help. I hope your experience with finding that level of help was far better than mine.

I went through the almost non-existent/bullshit American Mental Health system and all that it has gotten me is a higher life insurance policy and my HSA account of $22,000 liquidated to nothing! There was a point where I flat out asked three of these psychologists what is the statistical percentage of recovery from depression. One refused to give an answer the other two said 8 percent and 11 percent. Imagine doing your job where you only fulfill 11 percent of what you needed to do. Would you think you’d have a job after a while?

In the American mental health world 11 percent success earns you 80-120k/year plus bonuses from Pfizer to pay for your trips to Tahiti to white-noise your patents if you’re a psychotherapist.

I usually started my conversations with a psychologist by telling them in my free time I enjoy seeing myself online as a 5 foot 8 anthropomorphic bear-cat news reporter. The ones that laugh and dismiss that important and almost spiritual aspect of my life meant that I would be staying in their office for a total of 5 minutes before leaving. Overall the American medical field of mental health objectively failed me.

The next step I took is what some would consider reckless, stupid, and dangerous. It gets you kicked off of YouTube as well! As western culture is terrified of anything that can’t be easily explained. I spent time at looking up other avenues of medicinal plants for the mind. Iowaska was the path I choose. Took a lot of research, talking to a lot of people at festivals. But I was at the stage where I felt like I had nothing to lose. Thus, I packed my bags and went to Canada to sit in a log cabin and drink tea.

Depression is like a self-destructive loop. Where society says that you run along this track known as ‘life’ and you have to run to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. If you work hard in school, you’ll get to the light, if you do well at your job you get closer to that light. But with depression the light at the end of the tunnel fades to a distant star to nothing. Why run down the track when you know the life given is shit? Especially now a days where housing is in the millions, education doesn’t really prepare you for the future. And the best fields of work to be in are one that rely heavily on dependency such as medical, finance, taxes. Everytime you turn on the television they’re eager to explain to you how screwed you are as an individual because you didn’t vote hard enough for the red or blue person. Fuck, even when looking at things with even a clear head the world is really bleak!

Couple that with the online where we as a human society has never been so connected with eachother yet we also have never felt more alone because we see windows of peoples lives. Videos. Conversations. They appear they're doing better but that's all it is.

My trip to Canada did not necessarily cure me of depression but instead it was like some midget ran around in my head and drop-kicked all of the lights around on that were rusted shut. As the third eye opens so did new doors as it were. That there’s more ways to approach a situation then what was originally thought.  Even when you are alone there’s a universe inside to explore.

Although I’m older now, depression still hits from time to time. But it doesn’t control every aspect of my life anymore because after that moment. Time and meditation became the healer. Not Riddlin, Aderol, Lythium, or the bouquet of psychotherapeutic drugs that have far worse horrific side effects then what I took. Some of you may probably look down at me that I choose such paths. It’s okay really. I don’t need your permission or acceptance to make myself feel better anymore.

I’m also not going to be like the advocates of psychonaughtical travel and say that it’s the end-all solution because perhaps I was fortunate in my travels through the uncanny valley is mind expansion and lucked the fuck out. You have one brain-box and if you screw it up you’re never coming back. All I can say is do your research, read, find help wherever you can get it.

That’s all I have to provide. Don’t die. May server protect you.

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